Day 545: Dying into One Awareness
Day 545: 1 November 2022, Tuesday
‘It is not easy to suffer death and be reborn.’
Fritz Perls
So long as you think you’re trapped, you are. See yourself already through the door and you’re halfway there. Like Kafka’s man before the Law, we will never be let though. By nature it is prohibitory. At times, arbitrarily limiting. We must in a sense trespass. It is our mortality, our ‘mortal sin,’ which is, in fact, this vitality, the will to say ‘Yes, and…’
If you are suffering, you can almost be certain that you are thinking without knowing that you are thinking. As a matter of experience, the mind is the source of 100% of one’s suffering. Or 100% of the body, however you choose to see it. What matters is not what we see or feel or think or do, no, what matters is how we see and feel and think and act. Awareness is the key to an understanding of the here-and-now.
If you want to understand your mind, rest and pay attention to it.
The how rather than the what affords a third dimension of thought beyond space and time. What space-time affords us the particularities of a thing, the substance of it, but not its essence (insofar as we are dealing only in space and time). The third dimension is known by many names: form, idea, process, universal, general notion, and so on. Think of how a thought appears in awareness. What it is emerges from nothing. Language fails us here because language strives toward intelligibility and reason, but the logic of language itself emerges from this very same process, just like a thought, language comes in this form, a transmission of idea.
Awareness constantly peaks behind the curtain of the unconscious, or rather, it is the ‘trap’ or mistake of the intellect to overlook the fact that it is us who is hiding, obscuring ourselves in a veil, the defenses of culture, thick, skin-tight personas, concealing the very idea of our utterance, the becoming of our being.
A flurry of thoughts
Is another thought —
And this is now one
Too.
Nietzsche explains that the person of ressentiment ‘loves hiding places, secret paths, and back doors, everything covert entices him as his world, his security, his refreshment: he understands how to keep silent, how not to forget how to wait, how to be provisionally, self-deprecating and humble.’
Nietzsche, Genealogy of Morals, quoted by Deleuze & Guattari, Anti-Oedipus, p. Xvi-ii
“What constitutes our sickness today?”
When I don’t know who I am,
I serve you.
When I know who I am,
I am you.
The beloved is the breath inside the breath.
‘Nietzsche says that what is important is not the news that God is dead, but the time this news takes to bear fruit.’
Deleuze & Guattari, Anti-Oediupus, p. 106
