Eros Is Essentially Manic

‘I will search for the Friend with all my passion

and all my energy, until I learn

that I don’t need to search.’

(Rumi)

What are the most important words a person can say? 

When I remember, when I am caught in the wake of an unknown future, feeling without security or confidence in the legacy of this path, I remind myself that all the dust of every future will blow in the wind/time of all that has ever come to pass. From the eternal present arises all possibilities. A moment is a passing train, lukewarm coffee in a mug, your sigh into an empty room.

two or six or eight
birds in the bush rustling
beneath the window

I first came to this place in the Summer. It took me a very long time to gather my senses. I want to say that most of the years here I have been spent within some proximity to states of confusion, fear, doubt, or delusion. I kept searching despite these periods. I still catch my doubts. I will keep searching. 

I learned Spring comes before Summer. I’m still learning that. One does not simply become another. Sure, maybe it’s possible, but we know this for certain: chaos begets more chaos. Life begets life. Are you a seeker or a finder? An asker or a tripper? What have you found in all of your life that is more precious than this love? 

I have found a lot. Mostly books, lots and lots of words, a few games, and of course, some people. Well to tell you the truth, most of my ‘findings’ are strictly useless ~ but if you can allow junk, you can give me treasure. I recall an old teacher who owned a beautiful, ornate cup from which to drink. A chalice, you know, something nice. A young student asked, “How can you keep something so precious? Aren’t you supposed to renounce worldly possessions?” The teacher replied, “For me, it is already broken.” HA! That is how precious my junk is. We do not know that it is already dust. 

‘shri guru charan saroja raja nija mana mukura sudhãri’

‘I polish the mirror of my mind with the pollen-dust from the lotus feet of the Guru.’  (Hanuman Chalisa, Doha 1)

‘I am filled with you.

Skin, blood, bone, brain, and soul.

There is no room for lack of trust, or trust.

Nothing in this existence but that existence.’

(Rumi)