Crying Out Loud Is The Point

Today’s reading:

Past – ten of coins (reversed)

Present – 0 the fool (reversed)

Future – seven of cups (reversed)

~

This was the year I told myself, “it’s time to do the things I hate.” I’m doing the work. It’s really hard. Somewhere along the way I forgot what it meant to do the things I love. It’s hard to remember when the work is never enough.

I mean, what kind of world lights itself on fire and washes it down with gasoline? (Us apparently, with prices skyrocketing to do so freely.)

We’re in debt to society. Insecure in every way imaginable. The glimmer of hope is in Pandora’s box. We need to break tradition. Go outside, it’s free.

Not long things change, clean air and water is already paywalled. Sure, at the end of the day we’re all lazy and greedy. Greed is getting what you want when you want it. It’s that simple. Eat this. Do that. Sleep here. We’re conditioned to want what they say. Lazy? I wasn’t born this way, but it’s a lifestyle. I like a pillow that doesn’t kill me. Recklessness is rooted in the culture. Distracted, growing duller by the day.

There was an egg on the sidewalk this morning. Maybe I imagined it or maybe I’m lying, but I saw it and you probably didn’t. It was blue and about the size of an egg that might’ve fallen down from a tree nearby. Except there wasn’t a tree nearby, so someone (or more likely a critter) may have carried it a fair distance from its birth. Well, now it’s dead. Or something of a memory at least.

There’s no such thing as “peace and quiet.” See: leaf blowers, lawn mowers, dogs barking, trains, airplanes, automobiles. The wind is fair game, we need a good storm around here.

Confusion is an old man’s game in a woman’s body. At some point in a life, a decision is made. The Great Depression was an era of post-fool recovery. What are we really looking for? Clarity is hit-or-miss, it seems. That’s how mistakes happen. What our future holds is more than a paradise or hellscape (possibly more like both and neither put together). In fact, we don’t get to choose what our options are. But we are condemned to choose nonetheless.

Remember: One who makes a heaven of their bread makes a hell of their hunger.

“Aren’t we all on the good guy mailing list?” They say.

No. And yes. But no. Yes, and no.

It’s complicated. All you need to know is to remember.

Remember what?

You know, your past lives etc.–

Relax into your own heart-mind.

Become a little more at ease, more whimsical. Become less neurotic.

These are temporary and rapidly deteriorating moments in a vast and empty void. But the void is always hungry.

Hey, the universe called, it wants its self-control back.

Allow whatever arises to unravel without clinging. There’s nothing in reality to hold on to. It’s the attachment, not the object of desire, which produces ongoing suffering in us. Discover for yourself a balance between giving and receiving in all things.

I’m learning that — as I do the things I hate and remember to do the things I love — crying out loud is the point. This pain is an expression of my belonging. Be the crashing waves.

“Your pure sadness

that wants help

is the secret cup.

Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.

That whining is the connection.”

(Rumi)

May all beings be happy. May all beings be free from harm. May all beings be healthy and at ease.